Kyle here, gaming aficionados. This time, our "distinguished panel of experts" take a look back at a fan favorite, Squaresoft's Xenogears. Here's a little primer on Kyle's RPG Roundtable Reviews rating scale:
		0-1 is the lowest of the low. Basically, don't even touch the game's box. 1.5-4.5 is below average. You might still like it, though. 5 is absolutely average. Most games are a 5, so don't think this is bad. I mean it. 5.5-9.5 is above average. These are damn good scores, even a 5.5. Definitely pick it up. 10 is the ultimate. If you can't afford the game, consider selling body parts.
		Yikes! I hate to say it, but this is really pretty much one of the worst plots I've ever seen. I totally couldn't figure out what the heck was going on! There was all sorts of foreshadowing and flashbacks, and they didn't make a lot of sense, and sometimes they'd really give the plot a twist. By the end, the timeline kinda made sense, though, so that was cool. And it was pretty nifty the way they introduced the main baddie so late in the game. I like 'em all, but this one's a 1.5!
		All I can say is 'ugh'! Even aside from the obvious lack of me, this is quite possibly the worst cast ever put together for an RPG. Aside from ignoring three obviously irrelevant characters after their introductory sequences, there are really no pluses here. FAR too much time is spent developing these characters, heroes and villains alike. Honestly, could anyone REALLY care less about Fei, much less Citan, Elly, Krelian, Grahf and Bart? I suppose these fellows deserve a 0.5!
		Gau like Xenogears gameplay! Me like lot of random battle, and there lot of them here. Me no like monster so much in Xenogears, but that OK. Gau no like Combos and Ether - me use first deathblow over and over! Most of Xenogears easy - me like! Me like gear battle more than foot battle, 'cept me no like use Ether there, neither. Some gear battle too hard! Me like jumping dungeon a lot, though! Gau give this 7.5.
		I hate to criticize my origins, but I have to be honest. There is some great pixelation work in Xenogears, and most of the anime cut scenes have a very bold, choppy, and grainy look to them. Unfortunately, the face pictures are, again, waaay too distinctive and conventional, the backgrounds are overly detailed - and I think we could have done without the high-poly gears for BOTH party members AND enemies. If I had to judge, I'd give it a 4.5.
		Whoa... most non triumphant tunage, dudes. There's not a single track on this OST that I mega-like. Even the ending song, which has some radical guitar work, has also got some most heinous slow bits to it. Most of this is most emotional, and a lot of it is real sad stuff. It totally made me want to cry, dudes, but only because it sucked! This is like, heinously orchestral stuff. At least the actual sound quality still has some of that bodacious SNES sound to it in parts. I'd crank the volume up to 1.0!
		Well... their opinions basically suck! Here's the catch: If you take their scores and reverse 'em, you'll get a pretty accurate picture. Like that moron Laguna, he gave the plot a 1.5? That is a 8.5, which is close enough to perfect for government work. And Nikki gave the music a 1.0? That's also a 9.0... time to start looking at a soundtrack purchase. Now for the real lowdown on Xenogears, I'm your man. Plot-wise, well, it isn't just Laguna that has a tough time figuring this one out! But if you take the time to really read what they say, it's not just complex, at least as much makes sense as in RPGs that aren't half this involved. In terms of the characters... whoa. Maybe the best cast ever in an RPG, definitely high on the top five. Heavy development is given to pretty much everybody, but because the game was never completely finished, some of the secondary characters get sort of dropped from the story. Gameplay... I dunno, it's OK. Probably better than your typical Final Fantasy, but not by much. And those damn jumping parts... stupid Babel tower!! Graphically, it's low-res but high quality, and it has a really unique style. And the music is great. 3B wise, all I can say is... oh, yeah. I've been over this before - aside from needless lens flare in a certain sequence, there's not a thing I'd change about the babes here. Monster designs are poor, but there's whole buckets of blood to make up for that! Put together, it's about a 9.0!