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HP: "Really? Well, I've never seen it myself. But Draco Malfoy is a big fan, and he says I should sign up right away."

JP: "..."

HP: "And besides, it couldn't be much more difficult than an average Quidditch match."

JP: "Ugh... This is why eleven year olds have no business trying to be heroes."

HP: "I'm almost twelve..."

JP: "Listen kid, you've spent most of your short life in something resembling an English boarding school, and it clearly shows. You have no idea what real danger is."

HP: "But... but... I've fought monsters before!"

JP: "Your definition of 'fought' is laughable, but I'll humor you. What do you use for weapons?"

HP: "Weapons? Uh, well, I don't really have any weapons. But I have my trusty magic wand."

JP: "A. Magic. Wand. Can you get any more cliched than that?"

HP: "I also have a flying broom, called Firebolt. It's very fast."

JP: "You would be much better off with a spell called Firebolt, but that's beyond your abilities, isn't it?"

HP: "Er, well, I, um, suppose, hmm... Well, it's true I'm still just learning, but I can already cast lots of other kinds of spells! I do believe I can best my opponents in the Playoffs."

JP: "Riiiight."

HP: "No, really! I'm becoming a very swell magician. Haven't you read my books?"

JP: "I admit, upon the prodding of an ex, I managed to get through a few pages before recoiling with disgust."

HP: "What ever do you mean? Everyone loves my stories."

JP: "To paraphrase Dorothy Parker: Yours is not a novel that should be tossed away lightly. Rather it should be thrown with great force."

HP: "Sir, you are being very unkind. Perhaps I shall cast an embarrassing spell on you and--"

(At this point, I lost patience with my guest and promptly punched Potter in the face.)

HP: "Waah! You bwoke my nodthe!"

JP: "Fix it with your magic, you genderless garden gnome. And get out of my office before you bleed on the tatami mats."


After years of voting and commentating at internet versus sites, it has become clear to me that any matches involving pop culture icons (including sci-fi films, comic books, or the cutesy fad of the week) are inevitably decided by rampant fanboyism rather than logic and reason. Thus I say, for the sake of preserving what little integrity RPGP has left, that prodigal poser Harry Potter is Best Left Forgotten.

Harry Potter
Best Left Forgotten?