Kyle here, gaming aficionados.
This time, our "distinguished panel of experts" take a look back at a fan favorite, Squaresoft's Xenogears.
Here's a little primer on Kyle's RPG Roundtable Reviews rating scale:
|0-1 is the lowest of the low. Basically, don't
even touch the game's box.
1.5-4.5 is below average. You might still like it, though.
5 is absolutely average. Most games are a 5, so don't think this is bad. I mean it.
5.5-9.5 is above average. These are damn good scores, even a 5.5. Definitely pick it up.
10 is the ultimate. If you can't afford the game, consider selling body parts.
|Yikes! I hate to say it, but this is really
pretty much one of the worst plots I've ever
seen. I totally couldn't figure out what
the heck was going on! There was all sorts
of foreshadowing and flashbacks, and they
didn't make a lot of sense, and sometimes
they'd really give the plot a twist. By the
end, the timeline kinda made sense, though,
so that was cool. And it was pretty nifty
the way they introduced the main baddie so
late in the game.
I like 'em all, but this one's a 1.5!
|All I can say is 'ugh'! Even aside from the
obvious lack of me, this is quite possibly
the worst cast ever put together for an RPG.
Aside from ignoring three obviously irrelevant
characters after their introductory sequences,
there are really no pluses here. FAR too
much time is spent developing these characters,
heroes and villains alike. Honestly, could
anyone REALLY care less about Fei, much less
Citan, Elly, Krelian, Grahf and Bart?
I suppose these fellows deserve a 0.5!
|Gau like Xenogears gameplay! Me like lot
of random battle, and there lot of them here.
Me no like monster so much in Xenogears,
but that OK. Gau no like Combos and Ether
- me use first deathblow over and over! Most
of Xenogears easy - me like! Me like gear
battle more than foot battle, 'cept me no
like use Ether there, neither. Some gear
battle too hard! Me like jumping dungeon
a lot, though!
Gau give this 7.5.
|I hate to criticize my origins, but I have
to be honest. There is some great pixelation
work in Xenogears, and most of the anime
cut scenes have a very bold, choppy, and
grainy look to them. Unfortunately, the face
pictures are, again, waaay too distinctive
and conventional, the backgrounds are overly
detailed - and I think we could have done
without the high-poly gears for BOTH party
members AND enemies.
If I had to judge, I'd give it a 4.5.
|Whoa... most non triumphant tunage, dudes.
There's not a single track on this OST that
I mega-like. Even the ending song, which
has some radical guitar work, has also got
some most heinous slow bits to it. Most of
this is most emotional, and a lot of it is
real sad stuff. It totally made me want to
cry, dudes, but only because it sucked! This
is like, heinously orchestral stuff. At least
the actual sound quality still has some of
that bodacious SNES sound to it in parts.
I'd crank the volume up to 1.0!
|Well... their opinions basically suck! Here's
If you take their scores and reverse 'em, you'll get a pretty accurate picture.
Like that moron Laguna, he gave the plot a 1.5? That is a 8.5, which is close enough to perfect for government work. And Nikki gave the music a 1.0? That's also a 9.0... time to start looking at a soundtrack purchase.
Now for the real lowdown on Xenogears, I'm your man. Plot-wise, well, it isn't just Laguna that has a tough time figuring this one out! But if you take the time to really read what they say, it's not just complex, at least as much makes sense as in RPGs that aren't half this involved. In terms of the characters... whoa. Maybe the best cast ever in an RPG, definitely high on the top five. Heavy development is given to pretty much everybody, but because the game was never completely finished, some of the secondary characters get sort of dropped from the story. Gameplay... I dunno, it's OK. Probably better than your typical Final Fantasy, but not by much. And those damn jumping parts... stupid Babel tower!! Graphically, it's low-res but high quality, and it has a really unique style. And the music is great.
3B wise, all I can say is... oh, yeah. I've been over this before - aside from needless lens flare in a certain sequence, there's not a thing I'd change about the babes here. Monster designs are poor, but there's whole buckets of blood to make up for that!
Put together, it's about a 9.0!